Okay my secret is out - I have been a little worried about myself lately and how I just don't feel myself. A big bawl baby actually which I can date back to the beginning of the year with Braum leaving in January. All those who have known and been a part of my year it seemed to spiral downward since then. Since I seem to treat this blog as our family journal I should blog this year and all the crazy just so one day when our kids look back on it they won't think I am making it all up. I feel like I could write a book, but I know we all don't have time to read it, and frankly those of you who have permission to get on my site have already heard it. I really have felt not myself, weak - sad - putting on a brave front - not dealing with things people put in front of me like I want to. Then - - I call my Gramere just to wish her a Happy Birthday ..... and I was blessed! Without her probably knowing what she was doing for me - she made me feel normal, strong, and most of all understood. Some years ago she herself left a strong supportive community in Japan to where she knew no one to a place in Colorado. She too had 4 kids and her husband left her to go to Vietnam. She couldn't talk to him everyday and writing letters was all she had. She was bound and determined to put 200 percent into taking care of their children. She didn't tell me anything anyone else already has, but I found truth in her words. There is nothing wrong with missing your husband you love deeply, and its not easy, one day at a time sometimes one hour at a time and the time will pass and we will make it through it. I haven't been broke. My kids depend on me and there is nothing wrong with them knowing I miss their dad. Jesus made tears and there is nothing wrong with using them. :)
- happy birthday Gramere ...... and thank you!
4 comments:
WE love you Katie ~ very much....
OOOH! My Katie! how very proud I am to be your Gramere!!..I love you so much and am so very proud of your Barton family! all because of you, your love, caring, prayers, and sharing! I cherish our chat last evening & the Birthday song from all of you...HOW PRECIOUS!! I did forget to say one more thing...It is bcause of YOU, your strong will, love, determination,(never a quitter, and a 'true beauty' to boot, that with Jesus's guidance, your Braum knew he wanted you for his 'bride' many summer's ago!.. and you have never let them down..His reward is YOU, a beautiful family and your loving caring "TRUE GRIT" that has been the cement to keep his love flowing in all your hearts while he is away (out of his control)..Givng him the reassurance that his 'MIGHTY (dainty) KATIE' is keeping the home fires burning until he comes home from Iraq and setting a wonderful example for others to follow...Gramps and I kept telling each other constantly how much we loved each other...a true love story in itself..We love you and keep that beautful chin up high as HE, OUR LORD knows you ARE doing HIS will...Love and Mizpah from your proud Gramere!!
Count me in on all that love and support.. I too am sending you my love and all my strength, breathe deep and you'll catch the strength i am blowing your way.. You are truly a great inspiration to others. From all of us ONeals in Mississippi, Tennessee and Michigan, hang in there, before you know it, turn around 3 times and your Braum will be home with you. Love, lots of hugs, mizpah
Isn't it amazing how wise grameres/mas/pas are? What would we do without people who have gone before and survived? Watching how well you do everything reminds me that I can survive on those tough days too, and Brian is here. So thanks Gramere for inspiring Katie who inspires me.
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